Self-Esteem is simply how you feel about yourself and your worth. If you have low self-esteem, you won’t pursue meaningful activities and you will avoid doing things to boost your self-esteem. When it comes to self- worth or self-esteem, we tend to be our harshest critics. We tell ourselves things like, “I am not qualified for that job,” “I am not as smart, capable, confident, as…,” or “I can’t speak up at meetings.” These statements can cause anxiety, sadness, and feelings of guilt or shame. As a counselor in Boca Raton, I work with women who tell me these very statements every day. The worst part is they believe these things as being true for themselves. They avoid speaking up, they allow people in their lives to treat them poorly, or they don’t pursue educational and career goals. Having low-self-esteem keeps them from fulfilling their true potential in life.
What happens when we doubt ourselves? When we doubt ourselves, it is almost impossible to discover our purpose. As a professional, Mom, and Wife, I realized that my life has expanded, and I know my worth, my value and my identity. But there are times, when I have insecurities or doubts like, “Was that a good session?” “Did I really help that client?” It’s normal to have doubts and insecurities even when you are strong and confident.
But, when your self-esteem is holding you back in life, when it is keeping you from reaching your goals or making friends, or from being happy, that is when it becomes an issue. What does it mean to have high self-esteem? Having high self-esteem means knowing who you are at your core, knowing your worth and value, and from this place living out your purpose! It is possible to improve your self-esteem! You deserve to feel good about yourself!
Here are some simple ways to start building your self-esteem:
It is something we can continue to do and work on throughout our entire life.
Notice the negative self-talk thoughts.
Like I mentioned in the beginning, the negative self- talk are thoughts that you say to yourself that can cause anxiety, sadness, guilt and shame. Notice them and tell yourself it is not true. Would you talk to your best friend that way? No. So, why would you be so harsh with yourself. Replace those thoughts with kind affirmations like, “You are smart.” You are beautiful.” Practice self-compassion on a daily basis. Write them down in a journal, or on sticky notes and post them in your bathroom, near your bed, or in your car. Repeat them on a daily basis.
Stay away from negative activities that don’t help you in building your self-esteem.
What I mean here is that don’t spend time doing things that make you feel bad. If scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, makes you feel sad or jealous of what your friends are doing, then limit your screen time. You don’t need to stop it completely, but don’t let yourself be sucked in by it. If something is not uplifting, you should not be giving it your time!
Take care of yourself!
When you take care of yourself, you feel better! Eating healthy, exercising is important for your mind and spirit. Getting those endorphins going makes you feel good. It is also important to get dressed every day, brush your hair, and put on some makeup. When you look good, this also helps you feel better about yourself. Make time for getting your nails and hair done on a regular basis. Make it a priority!
Let go of your past self!
This might be the hardest to do but it is possible. Your low self-esteem might be due to your negative childhood experiences. Maybe you were bullied in school or maybe your parents didn’t provide the love and support you needed to develop healthy self-confidence. This can cause shame and insecurity that leads to a lifetime of feeling not good enough. Or maybe you did things in your past that you are ashamed of. But you don’t have to hold on to these past mistakes or painful memories. It is important to learn from your failures and grow from them, as well as let go of your childhood pain. Forgiving yourself and others can lead you to heal and become the strong, and confident women you deserve to be! You are not a child anymore. As a wise adult, you can choose to change your narrative in your head, and tell your childhood self, “I am good enough.” “I am strong enough,” and “I am beautiful!”
If you try some of these tools, and you find yourself struggling to improve your self- esteem, then the therapists at the Heart Connection Center in Boca Raton can help you become the strong woman you deserve to be! Please call us today at 561-203-9280. We are looking forward to hearing your story.